a nice bed time story.

love is fire.

and i am burning.
i hate feeling like this.
it's killing me.
i am crushed beneath the weight of my past, and i am engulfed in flames.  i just want to fly off!
god damn it, i do not want this!
how can i stop it?
i've let go of the story of you and me, and yet i still burn....

"Though I visit him
              Ceaselessly
              In my dreams,
            The sum of all those meetings
            Is less than a single waking glimpse."

-Ono no Kamachi

this is me.

i am going to throw up.

there is a giant ball of confusion in my entire being right now and it makes me want to throw up chunks of soul bits.  i am doing a side-step walk between two polarities in my heart and soul parts.  does.  not.  like.  does.  not.  want.  but simultaneously likes and wants so much it makes a giant swelling thing happen in me.  i am caught up in a whirlwind of strong feelings.  it has swept me up suddenly and with little mercy.  now my head is spinning and i am upside-down and forced to take a good hard look at myself on the inside and FUCK ME.  i do not like it.  i am going to keep telling myself that this exercise in non-attachment is the whole point of what i'm going through.  this.  is.  healthy.  this is what being healthy feels like.  awareness is a bitch.  now show yourself some god-damn compassion, woman.  because no amount of compassion from anyone else is going to make you stronger.

get out of the narrative.

he's only a mirror.