energetic sense of growing

last week something had happened to my back that was causing me pain. i believe it was a combination of wearing high heels all day on halloween, a little bit too much effort in my hip circles in dance class, and the worst PMS i've experienced in a while.

something i've noticed since i started my shamanic apprenticeship under mary novak is that, generally, all of my pain and sickness is related to some sort of energy block in my chakras OR it's part of my initiation process. in case you don't know, when spirit chooses you to be a vessel, it fucking HURTS. and if you're chosen and you try to ignore it and sever yourself from this part of WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU CHOSE TO BE BEFORE YOU WERE EVER INCARNATED... spirit will kill you. or make your life a living hell, and then kill you after a while of same.

i don't really have any examples of spirit coming and killing a would-be shaman for denying their path... but these are the teachings. i didn't really want to accept this at first but i've done a lot of reading since i've started out and even experienced a severe bought of shamanic sickness in which my body was in intense pain for a week. i had shadows coming through the walls and was throwing up green and black fluid and had a severe fever which made me completely delerious. i was dehydrated to the point that my lips were cracking and bleeding and i could not swallow food for 3 days. when i finally could swallow food, it was only chicken stock, celery, and toasted pumpkin seeds that i could manage... everything else was disgusting... unimaginable.

my teacher, mary, came to me while i was still in the throes of this.. violent experience.. and did reiki on me to help me feel safe, and feel some sense of relief. she explained to me how this was the beginning of a series of shamanic "deaths" in which spirit would come and attack my body and i was to submit to spirit and experience the sickness by surrendering to what was happening and understanding that this was, in fact, an initiation. by denying any of this i may have died, or at least ended up in the E.R.

in effect, mary's reiki sped up the process of eliminating the energetic poison that was blocking up my ability to be a clear channel... i may have been much sicker for a much longer period of time had she not come to my rescue.

so now, once a month, i go to mary for reiki to help keep my body cleared. most of the time after a month has passed, i begin to experience some sort of malady which needs to be addressed with this type of treatment.

so with this back pain i was having, i kind of got the feeling that while i could probably pinpoint some physically tangible reasons that i was hurting, there was still probably an energetic issue that needed attention. i went to see mary on tuesday this week.

my deer... my sweet deer totem... came in while she was working on me, and i began to see a vision of a pulsing pure white light filling my body... it was as white as snow, and sparkly (ooooo sparkly!)... and when she was finishing up i began to feel my body stretching up... but i wasn't actually TRYING to stretch... it was as if my body were just... growing, some how. and everything stopped hurting. i guess the energy shifted and was re-aligned in my chakras, thus relieving whatever the blockage was that was putting pressure on my lower back.

it was an energetic sense of growing, so subtle, and so sweet... it brought tears to my eyes to feel this relief.